There's No Way to Sound Cool When Talking about Battlestar Galactica

Several years ago Nathan tried to get me to watch this show called Battlestar Galactica. I laughed so hard I almost fell out of my chair and then flat out refused.

Here’s what I was picturing:

I could not be less of a sci-fi fan. In fact, I have on occasion been known to mock sci-fi types, though of course I am now married to one. After all, JACOB WONDERBAR AND THE COSMIC SPACE KAPOW is set in outer space and is, in many ways, Nathan’s homage to THE HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY, a book I still cannot bring myself to read. Let’s put it this way. I laughed my head off all the way through Trekkies.

And so, yeah, I was not about to watch something called Battlestar Galactica.

But over the years, Battlestar Galactica was like a weed that would not die. Nathan continued to beg me to watch it and soon a growing chorus of trusted TV advisers swore I’d like it. Finally I gave in, if only to get some peace and quiet on the topic.

Ahem. Flash forward a few months and I am now a hardcore BSG nerd. It is easily one of the best written shows to ever air on television and transcends its genre. The thing is, I associate sci-fi with bad writing, cheap sets, and silly characters. It’s always a group of men in leotards leaning over their “action stations” at the same time and saying things like, “Captain! The ship can’t take much more of this!”

BSG proves that just because a story is set in outer space it doesn’t have to suck. In fact, you know what? I’m going to go there. I’m going to say it. Battlestar Galactica is what Lost wishes it was. It has a fully developed mythology, complex characters, a gripping plot, and stellar writing and acting. And if loving BSG is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

But converting new people to the show is damn near impossible. Every time I mention it to friends they raise an eyebrow and say something vague. Friends! I totally get it! I did the exact same thing for several years! Sci-fi is kind of terrible. I dig! And yet I promise this show is different.

But there’s no way to sound cool when you talk about BSG. I don’t know what it is, but something about detailing a sci-fi plot makes you go from Normal Person to Super Dork in a matter of seconds. Want an example? Okay, I’ll explain the show in a nutshell for you.

To make their lives easier, humans invented these robots called Cylons. Well, one day the Cylons rebelled and there was a big war. At the end, a peace treaty was signed, forcing the Cylons to leave the planet and never come back. No one heard from them for 40 years and humans got fat and happy. Meanwhile the Cylons were evolving to look like humans and developing an elaborate plot to destroy the human race. They nuke Caprica City and the humans have to flee to outer space. The humans come up with a new plan. They’re going to find their lost tribe on a distant, unknown planet called Earth.

Your eyes were rolling back in your head there, weren’t they? It’s a good plot. It just sounds like serious nerd fodder. But you’re going to have to trust me on this.

Another awesome/hilarious thing about the show is that they have their own slang. For instance, a Cylon that looks like a human is called a “skin job.” And one that looks like a machine is called a “bullet head” or a “toaster.” But my absolute favorite thing they do is substitute the made-up word “frak” in instances where we Earth humans would say, well, you know, the F word.

So now I walk around saying, “This is all fraked up!” and “Frak me!” to make Nathan laugh. Of course he barely has time to laugh because he’s too busy gloating that I love BSG.