When Chihuahuas Go Hiking

Making wacky homemade valentines was not the only thing we did last weekend. We also went…drum roll please….HIKING. With our dog! We need some meds!

I have gone on record several times to say that hiking is walking long distances to nowhere. I simply don’t enjoy it that much, which is funny because my parents are super into it and even have hiking stick thingies. Um, hiking poles? Well, anyway, they often fly to Colorado and don funny boots and hike their little hearts out, but somehow I missed this gene.

Perhaps I was suffering a brief bout of amnesia or was just feeling accommodating for the holiday, but somehow Nathan talked me into a day hike in nearby Point Reyes for Valentine’s Day. We were really feeling like a couple of geniuses. After all Point Reyes is really not that popular and most people would probably go to the beach, the ski slopes, or the wine country! Point Reyes, on the other hand, is known for its dairies, barbecued oysters, and hiking through foggy forests.

So we researched a trail that allowed dogs, we dressed Buster in his Chihuahua hiking gear, and loaded him in the Honda Accord for the two-hour trip. Now Buster loves himself a good road trip. At this point in the day, he’s really stoked we thought to include him. Chihuahuas hate to be left behind and their little imaginations go wild with all the fun things you’re clearly doing without them. This probably only confirmed in Buster’s mind that normally when we leave him at home we are not heading to work (as we  have patiently explained one million times). Oh no! We are going on exciting road trips without him.

Our first stop was The Marshall Store and it was mobbed. MOBBED. So much for our genius theory. Anyway if you haven’t been to The Marshall Store you should tout de suite. It’s a small shack that serves incredible food and bottles of beer and wine. You can’t drink the booze on their property because of the small technicality of them not having a liquor license, so everybody eats outside on the nearby docks. I ate my weight in barbecued oysters roasted over an open fire, Nathan enjoyed a crab sandwich, and Buster just soaked up the sun, the world’s happiest Chihuahua. Little did he know things would soon go south for him. Very very south.

From there we set off for our hiking adventure. Now our guidebook mentioned that the first part of the trail is technically a shortcut through a cow pasture. No biggie, right? It also said we probably wouldn’t see any cows but to be careful if we did because they can get aggressive and run you off the trail. Hmmm…This is what we found when we got there. Buster was not super excited about them.

Then, things went from bad to worse about 10 yards into the hike. A puddle. A HUGE puddle. Well, I thought, we’ll just carry him through this part and I’m sure it gets better up ahead.

Wrong. We walked for over a mile THROUGH A COW PASTURE, ignoring angry looks from aggressive cows and sinking up to our ankles in mud and manure. Did I mention the smell? Disgusting. Meanwhile, O Short One is beginning to get really upset. Was this our idea of fun? he wanted to know. Dragging him through mud puddles up to his armpits? Because this was officially Chihuahua abuse.

Finally, I called it an official disaster and we headed back to the car, only to be forced to retrace our steps through the Swamp of Sadness with our little Artax. He spent the entire two-hour ride home glaring at me, as if he knew what awaited him.

Like cats, they don’t recommend you bathe Chihuahuas much (or ever). I probably give Buster a bath once a year and a weekly wipe down with little doggy grooming wipes. Their skin dries out and they loathe getting messy so they’re never very dirty. It’s just a better system all around. But he was FILTHY and there was no avoiding it.

Never again. I’ve sworn off hiking for real this time.